What do I put in a 'Feeling Better Box'? Managing big emotions with little kids

Welcome back - this article is part two in my series on feeling better boxes. If you've not heard of them before, or have just landed on this page from somewhere else, you're going to want to read part one in the series - on what the box is for, and why we want to help our kids to feel better (spoiler: it's so they can DO better!)

Their personalised box will help them to self soothe (i.e. self regulate) relax, and then be able to fix things/move on with their day. Many of you have seen me demonstrating our feeling better box during a workshop, and you ask me exactly what's inside!

(To be transparent, I want you to know that I have included links to Amazon for many of the products. As an Amazon Associate, I can earn commission from qualifying purchases - this is one way you can support my coaching business. )

What do I put inside a Feeling Better Box - guidelines for everyone:

Most importantly, the contents of the box should be personal and meaningful - things that are special to you. Here are some categories you might want to include:

1. Sensory Items: To engage the senses and bring comfort.

Fidget toys, a soft toy/fabric, something scented, and something for noise reduction.

2. Emotional Items: A way to express and process feelings. (pen and paper, photos, positive messages)

3. Mindful Activities: Colouring or puzzle books, a breathing card.

4. Comfort Items: To provide a sense of safety and familiarity - warm socks, a blanket, a snack/herbal tea.

So, let's make this more concrete:

What should go inside a Feeling Better Box for little kids?

When creating a Feeling Better Box for little kids, it's really important to consider items that can bring comfort and joy to them during moments of anger, distress or sadness. You can include a variety of things such a stuffed animal or blanket (you're going to need one that is just for the box, so get a duplicate of 'THE' favourite if needed!), plain paper and crayons for colouring/scribbling their feelings on, a photo of someone special to them, a water bottle, a snack.

Then, you also need something to help your conversations about emotions. For young children, I really like Anna Llenas' book 'The Colour Monster' She helps children understand what some of the different emotions are, and how it's easier to separate out our emotions to know how we're feeling. When my kids were little, we also had pictures of each 'monster' in the box, and they would bring us the picture to show us how they were feeling (see this free resource)

Another fantastic thing I have in my box for small kids are these Emotions Fidget Poppers. They are soft and easy to manipulate (and have the advantage of being quieter than the smaller fidget poppers we own! Please note, they're recommended for ages 3+

Some ear defenders could be great too.

What should go inside a Feeling Better Box: kids of all ages?

So, now I've given you some ideas specifically for younger kids, let's move on to kids of all ages. What do you want to include in all your feeling better boxes?

Everyone needs a timer in their life. This one, after much trial and error, is definitely my favourite. It's analogue (no replacing the batteries), you can see the time 'disappearing' physically, AND it gives visual clues for how much time is left. This is so helpful for kids (and not just in their feeling better box - use it for chores, or for screen time too.

We also have a giant timer for teeth brushing, and a set of general hour glass timers, but this one is the most multipurpose!

AS for things that make us feel better, we also have a mini equivalent of a lava lamp!, and a bunch of fidget toys. We originally bought a box with lots of different ones, but they just fell apart quickly, so now we have a heart shaped poppet, an anti stress ball (ours doesn't have these bonus messages on though!), a tangle, a cube, and a chain!

Noise - your child might want less noise (we have Loops, but you might prefer these), or they might want some input - in which case a small MP3 player with some preloaded songs and a pair of headphones would be perfect. You want to keep the MP3 player as simple/screen free as possible.

I hope this helps you get started. I'm sure I've forgotten some things, so I will come back and update if I think of more (or email me with your favourite things).

As I said in week 1, the purpose of a feeling better box is just that - to help us feel better. When your child is feeling better, don't forget to circle back to the initial incident, repair (say sorry/brainstorm for solutions) and then move on, until the next challenge!

Conclusion

As I said last week, a Feeling Better Box is more than just a collection of items; it’s a personalised toolkit for emotional well-being. See if you can find a small part of it that you can take with you when you go out somewhere that might be overwhelming/stressful for your child. Don't forget to regularly check in with your child about their box. Ask what items they’re using and if there’s anything they’d like to add or remove. This keeps the box relevant and engaging. If you'd like to hear more from me, sign up for my weekly newsletter full of parenting tips, events, and my favourite podcasts!