Parenthood can be one of life’s most fulfilling experiences, but it also comes with its fair share of challenges. As parents juggle multiple roles and responsibilities, many find themselves facing a hidden struggle: parental burnout. This state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion can sneak up on you, especially as parenting demands increase. Acknowledging and understanding parental burnout is vital—not just for your well-being but for the health of your entire family.
What is Parental Burnout?
Parental burnout is a condition marked by extreme fatigue related specifically to parenting.
I think it's really important to recognise that being a parent is a source of stress, for EVERYONE. It can be chronic stress (if we're living in crowded conditions, for example) or acute (our child gets sick with a stomach bug).
However, imagine some old-fashioned scales. If the stress on one side outweighs our resources/coping tools, and we don't have ways to tip our scales back into balance, then, long term, we're at risk of Parental Burnout. This idea comes from Isabelle Roskam and Moïra Mikolajczak, two leading researchers on Parental Burnout. If you want to dig into your stress/risk factors, they have a quiz here.
What it isn't.
It's really important to distinguish Parental Burnout (PB) from other things with similar symptoms. So let's look at them.
Professional Burnout is also the end result of excess stress factors - but this is directly related to work situations. For resources on work-related burnout, take a look at Aparentière (in French), one of the training companies I work with.
Parental Burnout isn't the same as Post-Partum Depression(PPD) either. PPD is generally defined as starting before birth, or during the first 4 weeks post birth. It's very common, affecting approximately one in ten women.
Finally, general 'depression' would be diagnosed when there are a multitude of factors at play.
NB. If you think you are affected by burnout or depression, do get support. A great place to start is your doctor.
Signs and Symptoms of Parental Burnout
Emotional Exhaustion
Are you feeling drained and unable to meet your parenting duties? This is a common sign of burnout.
Detachment From Children
Do you notice a growing distance from your child or indifference toward their needs? This can be a troubling indication.
Overwhelmed Sense of Inadequacy
Do you often feel that you are not doing enough as a parent? This feeling can contribute to burnout.
Physical Symptoms
Persistent headaches, digestive issues, or ongoing fatigue can signal deeper emotional struggles.
Nagging Irritability
Are you snapping at your kids or feeling easily frustrated? This irritability can be a symptom of burnout.
Reduced Satisfaction
Have you lost joy in parenting and family activities? Feeling unfulfilled is a significant sign that burnout may be present.
Being aware of these symptoms early can prevent them from worsening and help restore your emotional balance.
Main Triggers of Parental Burnout
Identifying what causes your burnout can be a game changer. Isabelle Roskam and Moïra Mikolajczak suggest imagining a set of scales. If the stress on one side outweighs the resources / coping tools on the other side, then, long-term, you might be at risk.
They have a quiz for that too, here, or you might simply want to grab a pen and paper, split it into two, and write down your stress factors on one side, and your resources on the other. Stressors/resources might include the size of your family, finances, any health issues, issues in your couple/agreement on parenting styles, tendency towards perfectionism, support from friends/family etc.
The good news is that socio-demographic/situational factors have less impact on parental burnout that ones related to our parenting style/couple. GOOD NEWS?! Yes, actually, because these are the ones we can do most about. Let's have a deeper dive into some of those triggers.
Increased Responsibilities
Today, parents are expected to balance work, household tasks, and children’s extracurricular activities. Research shows that 38% of parents feel overwhelmed by daily tasks.
Lack of Support / Couple challenges
A feeling of isolation or lack of help can significantly increase stress levels. Challenges within our couple relationship can sneakily drain our coping resources. Misalignments in parenting philosophies or differences in communication styles can leave us feeling isolated when we most need to feel united. A lack of time for connection as partners, outside of our parenting roles, compounds stress. Strengthening the 'us' in your relationship can help provide a buffer against the relentless demands of parenting.
Unrealistic Expectations
Many parents set the bar too high, leading to disappointment. For instance, striving for a perfectly clean house while managing three kids can create an unrealistic burden.
Sustained Stress
Factors such as job insecurities or family health problems can continuously drain your mental strength.
Parental perfectionism
We live in a world that sets impossible standards: spotless homes, thriving careers, perfectly behaved children. And while social media can make us feel inspired, it often ends up fuelling a cycle of comparison and guilt. If you find yourself chronically striving for 'perfect' instead of 'good enough,' your scales might be tipping under the weight of unrealistic expectations. Recognising this is not a failure—it's a powerful step toward self-compassion.
Strategies to Overcome Parental Burnout
Micro-Moments of Self-Care Self-care doesn’t have to mean hours away or luxurious spa days (though, if that’s possible, wonderful!). Small, intentional moments matter: a quiet cup of tea on the sofa, a brief walk in the fresh air, or even a few deep breaths during chaotic moments. The aim is to create small spaces that help you feel more grounded and replenished.
Boundaries: Setting and Maintaining Them (this one is HARD)! Learning to say "no" to extra obligations or tasks that drain your energy can be transformative. Setting boundaries—whether with work, extended family, or even your kids—creates space for you to recover. It also models healthy boundaries for your children.
Connection Connection is a powerful antidote to burnout. Reaching out to a friend for a quick chat, seeking out a parenting group, or finding moments to laugh with your children all contribute to restoring your energy. Finding your village can ease feelings of isolation and remind you that you’re not alone.
Prioritising Your Needs as a Parent
Often, parents are conditioned to put their needs last. Reflecting on what you need most right now—rest, validation, help with chores—and communicating it with your partner, family, or community is key. Advocate for your needs in a way that feels empowering, not burdensome.
Creating a Ritual or Routine That Grounds You Rituals offer predictability and stability. This could be a family dinner where everyone shares their highs and lows, a quick bedtime meditation, or a weekly check-in with yourself about how you’re feeling and what you need. It doesn’t have to be elaborate; the regularity of a grounding routine provides reassurance. Keeping a track with a gratitude journal is also amazing for noting the highs and looking back when you're feeling low.
Practising Self-Compassion Burnout often comes with guilt and harsh self-judgment. Practising self-compassion—speaking to yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a dear friend—can help shift your mindset. If you've never heard of self-compassion, or don't know where to start, then Kristin Neff's website is the place to go.
The Importance of Professional Help
If you think you are affected by burnout or depression, the first place to start is your doctor.
If you find burnout persists despite your efforts, consider seeking professional help. A counsellor can offer tailored strategies for your situation. Asking for help is a sign of strength; taking care of your mental health is key to a healthy family life.
Moving Forward with Awareness and Action
Parental burnout is a legitimate concern that can affect everyone involved in family life. Recognising the signs and identifying triggers is the first step towards healing. By adopting practical strategies and seeking support when needed, you can create a healthier, more balanced family atmosphere.
As you continue your parenting journey, make sure to prioritise your mental and emotional well-being. Caring for yourself benefits not just you, but your children too. It's perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed; what matters is how you choose to address and respond to those feelings.
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