As a parent, witnessing your child experience bullying can stir up a whirlwind of emotions—anger, frustration, helplessness. It’s heart-breaking, and we naturally want to step in and fix it. But the key to supporting our children lies in empathy, understanding, and a clear plan of action. In this guide, I’ll walk you through what bullying is (and isn’t), how to help, and what to avoid.
What is Bullying?
Bullying is a complex issue that can deeply affect a child’s well-being. It comes in different forms—physical, verbal, relational, and cyberbullying—and can happen anywhere, from the playground to WhatsApp groups.
In France, the official definition of bullying (harcèlement scolaire) includes three key criteria, as outlined by the French Ministry of Education (reference):
Repetition: A single act, however serious, isn’t bullying. There must be a pattern.
Intention to harm: The behaviour must be deliberate, not accidental.
Disproportion of force: This can be due to age, physical size, or emotional stability.
There is usually a group involved: the child engaging in bullying, the child being targeted, and witnesses. I’m deliberate in avoiding the label 'bully'—because children can swap roles. It’s the behaviour we need to address, not define the child by their actions.
How Parents Can Help
1. Prevention: Building Resilience and Awareness
Foster Open Communication: Encourage your child to share their day with you. A great habit is to ask them to tell you five things about their day when they get home.
Know Your School’s Anti-Bullying Policy: Many schools in France follow the PHARE programme (more info here).
Watch for Behavioural Signs: Tummy aches, avoiding school, difficulty sleeping—these can be red flags.
2. In the Moment: Supporting Your Child
Validate Their Feelings: If your child confides in you, listen, thank them for their courage, and assure them they are not alone.
Pause Before Acting: Give it a short break—agree to return to the conversation in an hour, later that evening, or the next morning.
Agree on a Plan: The key role of a parent is to have their child’s back, supporting the decisions they want to make at that moment. Encourage them to talk to friends, teachers, or other trusted adults.
Teach Coping Strategies: Look into Emmanuelle Piquet’s Boomerang Method (watch this in French).
Model Empathy and Respect: Show kindness and fairness in your own interactions.
What Parents Shouldn’t Do
Minimise The Child's Experience: Avoid phrases like "It’s just kids being kids." Take them seriously.
Retaliate or Encourage Revenge: It’s tempting, but reacting aggressively can escalate the situation. If bullying happens in school, do not contact the other parents directly.
Go Against Your Child’s Wishes: Our role is to empower, not rescue. If we take over, we risk making them feel powerless. Instead, equip them with tools—or seek professional support if needed.
The Method of Shared Concern
Many schools use the Method of Shared Concern, a technique within the PHARE programme. This method involves teachers meeting individually with all involved students—those engaging in bullying, witnesses, and the targeted child—to stop the behaviour rather than punish. As parents, this can feel counterintuitive, but the research shows it’s effective.
Read more about it here in English or watch this French presentation.
Final Thoughts
Bullying is, unfortunately, common—51% of 13-15 year olds in France report experiencing intimidation at least once in two months. But knowledge and action make a difference. Learn your school’s policies, talk openly with your child, and support them in ways that empower, not rescue.
If you’d like to chat about your child’s situation, I’m happy to help—just reach out. Let’s navigate this together. If you've enjoyed this article, sign up for my newsletter
💬 What has helped you support your child in tough social situations? Share in the comments.
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