Helping Kids Stop Hitting: Practical Strategies That Work

If you're a parent of a child who struggles with hitting, whether it's with peers or even family members, you're not alone. Many children express their emotions through physical actions like hitting, and it can be a real challenge to know how to handle the situation with both compassion and firmness.

While the immediate focus may be on stopping the behaviour, it's also important to look at what children are learning through these actions—and how we can redirect their energy and emotions into more positive forms of expression.

What Children Learn Through Rough Play

Rough play, like play-fighting or wrestling with siblings or friends, is actually a critical part of child development. It might seem counterintuitive, but when done in a safe and controlled way, rough play can teach kids essential skills that help them manage emotions and interactions better, reducing the need to hit.

Here’s what children learn from rough play:

1. Self-Regulation: Through rough play, children practise controlling their strength, knowing when to pull back, and how to gauge others’ comfort levels. This helps them understand the difference between appropriate and inappropriate physical interaction, which can be transferred to other situations, like playing with friends.

2. Social Skills: Rough play also gives children the chance to learn about boundaries, communication, and respect for others. They need to figure out when someone is getting upset or when it's time to stop. This strengthens empathy and helps them understand how their actions affect others.

3. Impulse Control: While it’s natural for children to get caught up in the excitement of play, rough play helps them understand how to manage their impulses. As they engage in these types of activities, they learn when to dial it down and how to stop before things go too far.

Solutions to Reduce Hitting: Emotional Literacy and Calm Reactions

To help your child stop hitting, we need to focus on the emotions driving the behaviour, as well as how we respond to it. The following strategies can guide you in reducing hitting while helping your child develop emotional literacy and impulse control.

1. Teach Emotional Literacy: Often, children hit because they are overwhelmed by their emotions—whether it's anger, frustration, or even excitement. Teaching your child to recognise and name their emotions is a critical first step. Use simple phrases like, "I can see you're feeling angry" or "It looks like you're really frustrated." Help them express those feelings in words rather than actions. The more they learn to identify their emotions, the easier it will be for them to manage them without resorting to hitting.

2. Model Calm Reactions: Children often mimic the reactions they see in adults. If you respond to hitting with calmness and composure, your child is more likely to learn how to manage their own emotions. When your child hits, stay calm and remove them from the situation to give both of you a moment to regain composure. Use a calm voice to explain that hitting isn’t acceptable, then model a better way of dealing with the emotion, such as using words, taking deep breaths, or asking for help.

3. Set Clear Boundaries: While it's important to help your child understand their emotions, it's also crucial to set clear boundaries. Let your child know that hitting is never acceptable. Calmly but firmly say something like, "We do not hit when we're angry. You can use your words instead." Reinforce these boundaries consistently, so your child knows what behaviour is expected.

4. Establish Routines: A predictable routine can reduce frustration and anxiety for children, making them less likely to act out. Knowing what to expect throughout the day helps children feel secure and can reduce instances of hitting, especially when transitions occur. For example, ensure there are structured times for play, rest, and meals to prevent overstimulation or frustration.

5. Encourage Positive Behaviour: When your child handles their emotions in a healthy way, be sure to notice it. Reinforcing positive actions like using words to express frustration or asking for help when they’re upset encourages them to continue practising those behaviours. Encouragement can go a long way in replacing unwanted actions like hitting.

   
   

More Practical Tips to Tackle Hitting Behaviour

If you’re looking for additional strategies to help stop your child from hitting, check out the following posts:

• Top Tips for Hitting and Other Tricky Behaviours – Practical advice on addressing challenging behaviours with empathy and clarity.

• Emotions: I Need Help – A deep dive into how to support your child in understanding and managing their emotions.

Seek Professional Support if Needed

If hitting is happening frequently and seems extreme, it may be worth speaking with a professional. A child psychologist or parenting coach can help identify underlying causes and offer tailored support. For more on why young children bite and how to handle it, check out my post Biting: Ouch, That Hurts.

Final Thoughts

Hitting is a behaviour, not a character trait. With patience, consistency, and the right tools, children can learn to express their emotions in healthier ways. Remember, your child isn’t giving you a hard time; they’re having a hard time. Your calm and steady guidance will make all the difference.

Which of these strategies have worked for you? I’d love to hear in the comments!

Looking for more guidance on navigating tricky behaviours and supporting your child’s emotional development? Sign up for my newsletter  to receive regular tips and strategies straight to your inbox. Or if you’d like one-on-one support, book a session with me.