So, you've maybe been to one of my workshops and seen our feeling better box. Or perhaps you've been reading elsewhere, and you know that supporting your child in managing their emotions is crucial. But you're not sure where to start. One simple yet powerful tool that can help you and your child navigate emotional ups and downs is a "Feeling Better Box." This personalised box serves as a go-to resource for self-soothing, promoting relaxation, and providing comfort during stressful moments. This first article explains the why of feeling better boxes, article two talks about the what (what to include).
What is a Feeling Better Box?
A Feeling Better Box is a collection of items that bring comfort, joy, or a sense of calm. The box can be tailored to individual needs, making it an excellent tool for emotional regulation, especially in high-stress environments.
Why Do We Want to Feel Better?
When we are stressed, anxious, or upset, our brain activates the fight, flight, or freeze response—a survival mechanism that prepares us to respond to perceived threats. During this state, our bodies are flooded with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which can make us feel overwhelmed, anxious, or emotionally dysregulated. And our pre-frontal cortex disconnects - we literally cannot think (for more information on what happens in our brain, you can look at Dan Siegel's Hand Model of the Brain.)
The aim of using a Feeling Better Box is to help calm this response and shift our brains from a reactive state to a regulated state where we can think clearly, make better decisions, and feel more in control of our emotions.
How Long Does It Take for the Brain to Feel Better?
When in a fight or flight state, it can take anywhere from 20 to 60 minutes for the brain and body to return to a calmer state, depending on the intensity of the trigger and the individual’s ability to self-regulate. During this time, using calming strategies, like those provided by a Feeling Better Box, can significantly reduce the time it takes to feel grounded again. Did you notice, it's not a 'Calm Down' box - because, who in the history of the Universe, has ever calmed down by being told to calm down?!
Benefits of a Feeling Better Box in Managing Emotions
Promotes Self-Awareness: A Feeling Better Box helps individuals recognize and label their emotions, encouraging them to pause, reflect, and manage their feelings rather than react impulsively.
Encourages Mindfulness: By engaging with sensory items in the box, such as stress balls or scented objects, individuals can focus on the present moment, creating a break from negative or overwhelming thoughts.
Provides a Safe Outlet: The box offers a physical way to release stress and anxiety, providing safe, calming alternatives like journaling or fidgeting, which help diffuse emotional intensity.
Teaches Coping Skills: Using the box reinforces positive self-soothing strategies, showing that it’s okay to take a moment to care for emotional needs, building resilience and healthier coping mechanisms over time.
Co-Creating a Feeling Better Box with Your Child
Involving your child in creating their Feeling Better Box is an empowering way to teach emotional regulation skills and self-awareness. Here’s how to do it:
1. Explain the Purpose:
Start by explaining what a Feeling Better Box is and why it’s helpful. Use simple language like, “This box will have things that make you feel better when you’re upset, angry, or sad.”
2. Name the Box:
Get hold of a shoebox or other similar sized box. Let your child name it. It might be their 'Space' box, yours might be your 'Hawaii' box - anything that, when you say it, brings a smile to your face. That will help you come up with ideas for decorating it.
3. Decorate the Box:
They can paint it, add stickers, or you can use scrapbook paper/tapes. This personal touch makes the box feel like their special tool.
4. Brainstorm Together:
Where will the box live - can it be under a comfy chair in your living room, or on a book shelf? At first, it needs to live somewhere you can see it so that it's easy to remember to use it. Make sure your child can access it by themselves.
Next step is to gather objects for the box - see you in article two!
Conclusion (and a little P.S. for Parents!)
A Feeling Better Box is more than just a collection of items; it’s a personalised toolkit for emotional well-being. It's a wonderful way to teach your child about how to navigate their feelings. But they're not just for children - when you're facing a stressful day at work, or dealing with personal challenges, this box can provide a tangible way to feel better and regain control. If you'd like to hear more from me, sign up for my weekly newsletter full of parenting tips, events, and my favourite podcasts!
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